禮拜天看沉重人生,裡面有個案例,一開始沒有縱容者在旁邊供應她食物的時候,一切都很順利,她也覺得充滿希望,覺得自己能持續下去,所以在快要達到可以手術前,醫生讓她回家,她就與她的縱容者一起生活,結果就是沒有持續減重反而復胖很多。
醫生:你做出那些改變搬來這裡,以扭轉你的人生,而你依然故我,你們兩個住在一起,她體重過重,你也是,你沒有在減重,因為你有一個縱容者在照顧你,你們似乎都不想改變,你搬來這裡,但不遵守我們的飲食,意義何在?
病人:醫生,我需要心理治療,我需要幫忙,這是困擾我很久的問題
縱容者:我們還在適應,自從搬來這裡後,我們經歷了很多事,我們還在適應。(醫生:你們在等什麼?)我們還在適應,我們都是,這個問題困擾了我們一輩子,我們在嘗試改變。而且她不是寵物,我不能把她當寵物對待,她是個人,所以我試著跟她溝通
醫生:我們不要你把她當成寵物一樣對待,不給她想吃的東西不代表她是寵物,那是縱容者的邏輯,我要你支持她。(縱容者:我很支持她)。我所謂的支持意思是停止替她張羅在害死她的垃圾食物,以及你們一起努力減重。
病人:我們都懂啊,但我想說的是你得研究原因,你不要只看體重計上的數字,但沒人在解決原因,沒人在解決那個為什麼,以為上癮一輩子的東西,會在給我一張清單然後說嘿照著做後就會成功戒掉,一張紙無法改變我。我需要心理醫生,請你找心理醫生給我。
醫生:好,你想做心理治療解決原因,我們就替你安排做心理治療,但讓我試著把話講清楚,這個"第一個減重目標"是一個選擇,堅持下去才是心理治療要解決的問題,為了長遠計,我們得解決根本原因,因為原則最終都會被誘惑給打敗,除非你能解決核心問題。堅持六個月一年和一輩子才是真正的挑戰。馬克吐溫說過一句話,"戒菸很簡單,我已經戒了上千次",他的重點是堅持下去和抗拒誘惑很困難,但做選擇或做出改變並不難。
站在一個旁觀者的角度才發現病人說的那一段話,一直在推卸責任,明明是自己的問題,卻一直怪罪沒有人來解決"我的"問題。
把聽打的原文放上來,但可能有錯誤,參考就好
縱容者
this is an adjustment for us both of us
this is sth that we've dealt with our entire lives
and we're trying to make a difference
and she's not a pet so I can't treat her like a pet
she's a human being to me so I tried to talk to her
醫生
we don't want you to tell her you think her a pet
not feeding her whatever she want doesn't make it a pet
that's enabler(縱容者) logic
I want you to be supportive
and being supportive that means you stop bringing her unhealthy food that's killing her
and you both do the same thing
both lose weight
病人
we understand that but what I'm telling you is
you have to look at the why
you're looking at the result
nobody's fixing the why
if you've been addicted to something in your whole life
and you give me a piece of paper and you say hey do this
the paper is not gonna change me everything that I've been given
it's still not helping me so the why
醫生
you want to start therapy to address the why
then we'll start your own therapy
but let me try to create something up
right now for this first way to school
it is a matter of choice
sticking with it is what therapy addresses
do I have to be at rest for the long term
because discipline will eventually fall to temptation
if you have an address the core issue that play
so doing it from six months, a year and for a lifetime
that's the struggle
Mark Twain said quitting smoking is easy
I've done a thousand times
his point was sticking to it and resisting temptation is hard.
making a choice or change isn't
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